USE YOUR WORDS!
I have some very verbal children in my care! I love to have conversations with these little talkers! We discuss anything from superman underwear to why they don’t like bees. They have a lot to say! However, when these little ones get tired, upset or frustrated, they have no words! THEY TRULY HAVE NO WORDS! How often have I heard, no! No hitting, use your words! Or ,stop crying and use your words! What words do you want them to use? Superman underwear and bees will not help them right now. Those are their words! What you’re really asking is for this child to explain their feelings! Seriously! Some adults spout off in anger and I don’t often hear them explain their feelings! They just blast off! But, we do not give these angry little monsters the same privilege!
The truth is, they need grownups to give them words for what they are feeling. This crazy, out of control moment is actually a great teaching moment! Think about moments you’ve been really angry! Were you angry or were you hurt more than angry? You are an adult and have to figure things out with your mature brain! Their brains are still developing! Don’t expect something from children that they cannot deliver! So let’s start today being an adult kids can count on! I suggest a quiet voice and possible hug before you start.
So, here’s an approach that may help. You start by acknowledging their feelings. Say their name quietly and ask, “Are you feeling angry or sad?” I would like to help you work it out. Let’s think about how we can work this out together. The very phrase “let’s think about it” is a good seed to plant for the future emotions of an adult! As you develop the relationship with your child, they will in turn trust that you are going to help! Don’t let your negative emotions enter into this moment. Even at this young age, you are guiding these children on how to build coping skills for the future. You’re provided words to build on. You are giving these children a positive alternative of what to do instead of hitting or whining or whatever the situation.
The most important thing to remember is to remain calm! Do not to add to the negative situation due to lack of patience or understanding on your part. You are these little ones security! They need to be able to count on you at all times! They should never fear a negative reaction out of you! If the child’s behavior is making you completely nuts, go find another job. Because, quite frankly, these behavior teaching moments ARE YOUR JOB!
I’m not saying you will never have a bad day! But when you do, apologize and own your crappy mood! Make it up to them! Don’t let them walk out that door until they are totally secure in your loving relationship with them!
Stay positive, stay sweet, stay calm!
Teri
This is BRILLIANT!!
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